Mclusky Do Germany

11.05.02 Lingen

“Congratulations to anybody who made it out of the venue on Saturday night with any part of their hearing intact – it was louder than the sensations of amplified after-birth, whatever that means. The promising Union Youth, playing near home for the first time rocked like bitches in heat and our show was fully committed and fun as ever. By the time headliners Heyday took to the stage temperatures had hit 1000degrees Celsius, and everybody was wearing metaphorical Spiderman costumes and drowning in their own sweat. Marvellous. A big shout out to the grinning moron who short-changed me ten euros on the journey to Hamburg the next morning, when I was clearly worse for wear (my head had shrunk to 20% of its normal size). I hope that when you die your family bury that ridiculous moustache in an unmarked grave.”

13.05.02 Hamburg

“Another converted slaughterhouse, another ritualistic smashing of instruments and hearts when the excessive heat compelled Jon to reveal his rippling torso to the appreciation of the front few rows. TAKETHATCHESNEYHAWKES!!!! POW!!!!! The undeniable fact that people have obviously listened to our records continues to confound and delight. Keep coming, and we’ll keep giving everything we’ve got (limbs negotiable).

For some strange reason my guitar, battered relentlessly for years and left unstrung for anything up to a week (hey, when I sleep I really fucking sleep) has decided that it hates me and has fled on the last plane back to Britain, taking the kids and furniture and moving in with a Britpop band who wear stupid hats and eat nothing but cheese and onion filled pastrys. Bitch. She was the most beautiful Les Paul in the world, and whatever my friends tell me her loss will be keenly felt.* Earlier, mcluskys first ever instore show (anywhere in the world) at Michelle Records was attended by forty or so people. We surprised ourselves by getting through seven songs on a stage smaller than our feet. Seriously. Thanks to all who stood in the sweltering heat and put up with us. Apologies to anybody who was scared away by Jon playing bass and grinning by the front door. We love to play.

*Still, the always accommodating mat has already set me up with a lovely (young) Telecaster for tomorrow evening. Apparently she has her own guitar-case, beautiful gold strings and an attitude which can only be described as wild. Fucking bring it on.”